never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
