i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ugly people sure do ruin things
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
