the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
