yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Come on in and take your pants off
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