hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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