Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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