Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
