sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
