I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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