Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
