so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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