Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
