I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
