I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
