We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
