my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
