I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
