That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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