I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
