I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everclear isn't food dammit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
