The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
