Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
