Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
