remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
its liver damage thursday
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
