You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
