I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
