Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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