Porn is love you can see.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
