so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
