Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
