After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
