My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
