Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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