he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
