some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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