Where is the hickey?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
