I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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