How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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