i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Everclear isn't food dammit
You ate ashes out of my bong
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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