i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
