Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
