the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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