Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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