I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
