afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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