I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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