Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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