Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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