it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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