I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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